Anyone convinced that children of domestic violence don't experience trauma should imagine children huddled at the top of the stairs or alone in their bedrooms. Imagine them scared, terrified, and confused. If they don't see the abuse with their eyes, they hear it with their ears, which can be worse. Hearing screams and the sickening thud of struck flesh is traumatic. Imagine children placed in impossible situations.
As despairing as these images seem, it's even more heartbreaking to remember these are not just unsettling descriptions from a book. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, school-age children, and teenagers are currently powerless, anxious, and scared as you read the words on this page.
It's a different kind of fear when one parent hurts and terrorizes the other parent. Instead of a big, violent stranger harming your mom, the man who vowed always to love and cherish her is responsible for her pain. Imagine being helpless to protect her and powerless to stop him.
But it gets worse; once the fighting stops, trauma remains. Your parents will have minimal awareness of your mental and emotional health. Your mom is trying to survive the abuse inflicted upon her; all her efforts are spent on survival. Most mothers will protect their children and jump in front of any physical danger. But a child's emotional issues are not a mother's number one priority while she's fighting to stay alive, or even years after the abuse has ended.
Imagine an adult having a panic attack, as their brain gets confused and signals the body into a fight-or-flight response; a mind convinced of being at the top of those damned stairs, still. Everyday situations and interactions cause anxiety and stress over minor issues. Trauma doesn't dissipate as a child's body grows; it settles in the bones.
We should be doing everything in our power to protect every victim of domestic violence, especially children.
Copyright Sarah Harbut